It’s Okay To Say “No”

Saying No

Hang on. One more thing.

I want to tell you about saying, “No.”

and being completely uncomfortable
anxious
worried sick
sick to your stomach

that you’ll be seen as
the bad daughter
the ugly sister
the bitchy wife
the “once upon a time” friend

and your insides feel like goo
sloshing around
and you seriously doubt your skin
will hold your innards in

and you think for a moment
about saying, “yes,” and that makes you

tremble and shake

as bile rises from the pit of your stomach to the top of your throat

and you know
you know
you know
you must say, “no”

and so you do
face to face
because over the phone is so uncool

and you tell your father or brother or partner or bestie

you tell him, “no”

and nothing you imagined happening
happens

All that worry
and pacing
and hand wringing
was all for nothing

and you go on

eating dinner

and talking about how cold it is this winter and your plans to be someplace warmer soon.

***

My poem “Saying No” poured out of me from a writing prompt in Laurie Wagner’s Wild Writing. Check out her program. I highly recommend it!

***

Wine After Yoga was a huge success! As so many of you said, “it was the perfect afternoon!”

Huge thanks to Cask and Vine for taking such good care of our group!

Stay tuned for the next Wine After Yoga event!

Obstacles: Friend or Foe?

Obstacles

You know you’re in complete and total alignment when you see random shit posted on social media by friends who may or may not know what’s going on inside your head and the only thing you can think is “damn straight!”

No doubt I made the right decision to quit. To quit being in my own way. To quit tilting at the well-intentioned voices of other people. To quit and follow my own path.

Is it any wonder I’m seeing signs everywhere? Especially when one of my very favoritest writing instructors, Laurie Wagner, (who probably knows more about me than I do) posts a poem by her friend and poet, Alison Luterman about obstacles, which I’m sharing with you because – fashizzle bat fans – this poem made me think, “Wow, I could have had a V-8.” Dope slap included.

Because Even the Word Obstacle is an Obstacle

Try to love everything that gets in your way:
the Chinese women in flowered bathing caps
murmuring together in Mandarin, doing leg exercises in your lane
while you execute thirty-six furious laps,
one for every item on your to-do list.
The heavy-bellied man who goes thrashing through the water
like a horse with a harpoon stuck in its side,
whose breathless tsunamis rock you from your course.
Teachers all. Learn to be small
and swim through obstacles like a minnow
without grudges or memory. Dart
toward your goal, sperm to egg. Thinking Obstacle
is another obstacle. Try to love the teenage girl
idly lounging against the ladder, showing off her new tattoo:
Cette vie est la mienne, This life is mine,
in thick blue-black letters on her ivory instep.
Be glad shell have that to look at all her life,
and keep going, keep going. Swim by an uncle
in the lane next to yours who is teaching his nephew
how to hold his breath underwater,
even though kids aren’t allowed at this hour. Someday,
years from now, this boy
who is kicking and flailing in the exact place
you want to touch and turn
will be a young man, at a wedding on a boat
raising his champagne glass in a toast
when a huge wave hits, washing everyone overboard.
He’ll come up coughing and spitting like he is now,
but he’ll come up like a cork,
alive. So your moment
of impatience must bow in service to a larger story,
because if something is in your way it is
going your way, the way
of all beings; towards darkness, towards light.

***

Wow. I don’t think I’ll look at obstacles in the same way ever again. Considering I tend to think of myself as my biggest obstacle and in my own way most of the time…I’m in my own way or I’m going my own way.

Holy sweetness. Talk about having an a-ha moment before I even had my coffee.

What about you? Does this change how you see obstacles? Let me know!

PS: Don’t forget to check out Alison’s latest poems on her website 😉

6 Soul Inspiring Quotes for Writers (and Readers)

This week I finish up a 10 week writing course taught by the amazing Laurie Wagner. In our virtual class lounge, beautiful Emilee dropped off a few quotes most definitely worth sharing…

Sunrise Serendipity Smiles

Because We Live and Die for Our Stories

“My cousin Helen, who is in her 90’s now, was in the Warsaw ghetto during World War 2. She and a bunch of the girls in the ghetto had to do sewing each day. And, if you were found with a book, it was an automatic death penalty. She had gotten hold of a copy of ‘Gone with the Wind’, and she would take three or four hours out of her sleeping time each night to read. And then, during the hour or so they were sewing the next day, she would tell them all the story. These girls were risking certain death for a story. And when she told me that story herself, it actually made what I do feel more important. Because giving people stories is not a luxury. It’s actually one of the things that you live and die for.”~Neil Gaiman

“Submitting your work is like getting on stage, pulling your pants down, and asking for comments.” ~Christina Dodd

“Be courageous and try to write in a way that scares you a little.” ~Holley Gerth

“The Beautiful part of writing is that you don’t have to get it right the first time, unlike, say, a brain surgeon.” ~Robert Cormier

“Write like no one is reading”

“I wish I wrote the way I thought;
Obsessively,
Incessantly,
With maddening hunger.
I’d write to the point of suffocation.
I’d write myself into nervous breakdowns, Manuscripts spiraling out tentacle into abysmal nothing.
And I write about you
a lot more
than I should”
~Benedict Smith

Let me know – what’s your favorite quote for writing (or reading?) I’d love to hear from you!

Stories Move in Circles

Never in a million years would I believe a page of words could have such a freeing feeling. This one page from Everyday Sacred by Sue Bender shot straight to my heart. Its message is one I’ve been hearing over and over again. A message that keeps appearing in my own daily writing.

storiesaretoldincircles

Today I wrote “I can’t teach you how to live a better life. There’s no program I can sell you, no podcast for you to listen to, no magic pill for you to swallow. I can only show you that it’s possible.”

The things I’ve learned in the last billion years, okay, 15 years, are lessons that just about all of us experience. Divorce, being cheated on (or lied to or some other serious betrayal of trust,) serious illness or life threatening accident, loss of a job (how about a few) – man, this is the crap that drags us down, down, down. But guess what? Most of us are resilient and we bounce back – scarred a little but we bounce back transformed by the knowledge and the wisdom of making it through hell.

These are the stories I want to tell. Until now, I never knew how to write them. I kept trying to write a straight line – and then this happened after that happened. Only breast cancer came on the heels of divorce and the death of that little civilization I knew like the back of my hand was crushed when I found out my first husband was sleeping with another woman. I had no idea if I was going to live let alone be happy again. Or find true love. And somewhere in that cess pool of angst I lost not one but two freaking jobs. And in between I was a single mom with two teenage daughters – one of whom was to be my teacher. And let me tell ya, she got me ready for my life as a stepmom in short order.

So you can imagine my writers dilemma. Thank God for Sue Bender quoting Deena Metzger and for me finally reading Everyday Sacred, which I bought in 2007 and never read until now.

What a message, “Stories move in circles.” So does life.